
I like cooking, so can
often be found dipping into some of the many cookery programmes on television,
like those by Nigel Slater, Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. I’ve
even become a little obsessed with The
Great British Bake Off.
But there is one
programme that drives me nuts: Nigellissima.
No, it’s not her endless flirtatious manner or the over-glossed lips, tousled hair,
figure-hugging girdle, those dresses or the suggestive phrases, like ‘whip to
soft, creamy peaks’ and ‘slip in the golden linguine’.
No, it’s none of those.
It is the utter insensitivity of the programme in this age of austerity. I am
sitting there watching Nigella spout on about how important it is to have a ‘walk-in
larder, rather than a walk-in wardrobe’. Her larder was lined with enough
Italian food to open a high street deli.

And her fridges were filled with food
items for those ‘unexpected guests’ – ‘I always have smoked mackerel in the
fridge for emergencies’. And the mass of kitchen equipment – no doubt product
placement – the very prominent KitchenAid
Artisan food mixer will set you back a cool £429. I’ll have two, please.

And we are supposed to
believe that we are in Nigella’s kitchen. With those out-of-focus fairy lights,
ridiculous bank of cookery books, impromptu meals, laughing children and the ‘unexpected
guest who has just dropped by’, I don’t believe one bit of it.

The kitchen is a
studio-based set, all as phony as Nigella’s silk dressing gown-clad midnight
feasts featured in the last series.
The programme is as
obscene as all those many smug people on Grand
Designs flaunting their building overspends, who still manage to deck out
their new builds with the very latest Bulthaup kitchens.
I can’t help but think of the many people
struggling to live on a low wage and who have to put up with watching Nigellissima dressed up to the nines, cooking
in that ridiculously overly equipped kitchen with its wall high fridges and
multi cookers while she spouts on about her wonderful holidays in Tuscany.
Meanwhile, so many ordinary mere mortals have
to struggle in a cramped kitchen space surrounded by kids. No walk in larder or
wardrobe for them, nor holidays in Tuscany or a rambling house in Belgravia. I’m sure Slater, Oliver and
Whittingstall also have it all, but they just don’t flaunt it. Indeed, they all
have one thing which Nigella doesn’t, and that’s believability.

Nigella slumming it whilst strolling down the gold paved streets of Notting Hill, as far East as she dare go.
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